My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
