just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
