Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize