i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
