Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
