I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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