that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
