i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
