there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
