Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
