i don't like sucking hair
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
