Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is wine microwaveable?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
