Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
