sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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