I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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