He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
