Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
