"it" just moved
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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