so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
