Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
