Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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