the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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