i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
