Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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