Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
