I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
