take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
