The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love you. Go after that dick
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
