just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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