It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
