And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
