my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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