Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
