yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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