White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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