drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
