I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
