If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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