32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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