btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
