sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wear drunk well.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
