She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
