first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
