i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
