Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
