It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
