What did we do last night that was yellow?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
