I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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