Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize