I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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