Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
