you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
