Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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