Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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