Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
