Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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