i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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