Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm both gender and math confused
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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