dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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