drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
