Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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