do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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