You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When did angry sex become our thing?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
