So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think people are normalizing furries
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
