The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
