Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
