apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
