that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
