I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
