...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
