i will never coherently bang her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
