mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize