my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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