There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
