I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
