I look better un-naked...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
