im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't think brook has ever known best
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
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